i jhust puked up my retainher.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
