I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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