Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
