wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
