I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
