Where did you get a picture of my penis
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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