Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
