Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
