Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
