So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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