im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Randomize
