I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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