I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
