i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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