You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
