I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
