a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
