Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
