Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
