I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
