he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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