It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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