ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Let the clothes fall where they may.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize