Already got asked if we're dating
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
