I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
