I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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