Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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