i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
