you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
