Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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