im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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