The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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