she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
It's never too late to be topless.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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