the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
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