Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
