Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
