Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
did i walk over a car last night?
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
