yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Randomize
