im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Randomize
