I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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