The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize