I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
