Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
