I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
