I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
