i think my tv is drunk
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
