hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Randomize
