but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Randomize
