Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
