i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
she told me i tasted like america
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
