My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
