so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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