Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
