After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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