Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
