thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
