I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
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