1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Redeem this text for a blowjob
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Randomize