its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
