I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
