dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
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