We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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