we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
