you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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