Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Randomize
