i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
